We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
