Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
