no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
