It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
