My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
