i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It was confusing and full of hummus
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
