if i can run in heels then i can drive
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
