Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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