weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
