your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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