Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I got inside last night via doggy door
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
