I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
