i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
