I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
