So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
