what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
