waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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