Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
