everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
