he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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