you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
