im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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