If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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