the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
