"it" just moved
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
