dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
