John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
