did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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