Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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