guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
