its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Congratulations! We have a period
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
