hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
