PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
