I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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