I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There's even glitter on my cock...
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