this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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