Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
