how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
