if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
