dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
