There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
