You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
