I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
