Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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