and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
