i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
