Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
