My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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