Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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