im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
