Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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