tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
